I'm getting the nervous jitters. I was so scared for months for my first surgery but this time I didn't think about it much until the last couple days. All day today I had this gut feeling that something bad is going to happen, I didn't have that before. I literally thought about canceling surgery several times today. Everyone says listen to your gut, but this would be major to back out last minute, and I need to get it done. I just hate having this feeling the night before major surgery. I hope everything turns out okay, obviously. I can't believe its time to go through hell again already. I at least know what to expect now, but the first few days are incredibly difficult. Sometimes I wonder why I'm putting myself through this. The HS came back within 2 months before. I guess I just don't know what else to do and I feel I need to be proactive in treatment instead of just throwing in the towel and deciding to be miserable and in pain for the rest on my life. I'm not a perfect person but I don't think I deserve this hand I've been dealt.
I hope things go well tomorrow and healing is easier than last time.
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